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Panic on the Highway 山路歷險記 （3）
[11] Sleep wouldn't come. I lay staring
into the dark, listening to the sounds of trucks and cars rushing
along the nearby interstate. I tried to summon up reassuring images
of home, now so many hundreds of miles away. I thought of Betsy
and Tabitha, the two lovable cats that belonged to my husband and
me; of Ben, the playful mutt who loved to catch Frisbees. I thought
about friends and neighbors. I pictured the faces of my husband
and children.
[12] I also thought about Lillian, our parents'
part-time maid. I could almost touch calmness when I thought about
Lillian, with her gentle voice and radiant smile. I knew Lillian
was praying for me; she always prays for our family, especially
when one of us is away. I found myself clutching for a verse from
Deuteronomy. How did it go? "Don't be afraid, for the Lord
will go before you and will be with you; He will neither fail nor
forsake you."
[13] But nothing could dispel the sense of
helplessness that overwhelmed me whenever I contemplated the frowning
mountains that lay ahead. The next morning I had to force myself
to slide behind the wheel. Just one more day, I kept telling myself.
Surely I can find the courage to make it through one day. If I just
kept my eyes locked on the back of my brother's truck, if I just
made my wheels follow his wheels, I'd be all right. If I would just
take slow, deep breaths instead of shallow, terrified gasps, I would
be all right.
[14] If I could just visualize my heart as
a place where courage dwelt, instead of panic, I would be all right.
I kept telling myself that the fear of crashing through the guardrail
and plunging over the edge existed only in my imagination, pot in
fact. Control, that was the key. I would cling with all my might
to control. I would clutch it tight and take charge .
[15] But as the day wore on and the road
mounted higher, that little core of self-control grew smaller and
smaller, and finally, on a heart-stop-ping grade southwest of Barstow,
California, it vanished altogether.
[11]怎么也唾不著。我兩眼瞅著一片黑暗，耳聽附近州際公路上過往的卡車和轎車呼嘯不停。我迫使自己向數百英里之外家中那些溫馨的形象尋求慰藉。我想到了貝特西和塔比莎，那是我和丈夫養的兩只可愛的小貓；還有貝思，那只喜歡逮飛碟的頑皮小狗。我想到了朋友們和鄰居們。丈夫和孩子們的面容浮現在我眼前。
[12]我還想到了莉蓮，我父母雇的鐘點工。想著她那柔美的聲音和燦爛的笑容，我心中幾乎頓感一絲寧靜。我知道莉蓮一定在為我祈禱；她總是為我們一家人祈禱，尤其是有人出門在外時。不知不覺中我發現自己琢磨起了《圣經》中的句于。那是怎么說的?“不要膽怯，上帝為你開路，與你同在；他不會辜負你的期待，也不會拋棄你�！�
[13]盡管如此，一想到還要走下去的崎嘔山路，籠罩在心頭的那種強烈的無助感便無法排遣。第二天一早，我強迫自己坐進了駕駛室。只剩一天了，我不斷地告訴自己。我一定能找到勇氣對付這最后的一天。只要盯住弟弟的卡車，跟在他后邊，讓我的車輪沿他的車輪而行，準不會出事。只要慢慢地深呼吸，而不是氣急敗壞地喘個不停，就不會出事。
[14]只要想象勇氣長駐心中，恐懼就沒有立足之地．就不會出事的。我一溫遍地提醒自己：沖出護欄墜入深淵只是幻覺，不是事實�？刂谱∽约菏顷P鍵。我要全力以赴地控制住，要牢牢地掌握住。
[15]越往前走路越陡，我那點可憐的控制力越發微弱，終于，在加州巴斯陀西南一個令人心驚肉跳的陡坡上，它徹底消失了。
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